Why do we write like this?!

 

This is an excerpt from the letter written by the Karnataka Forest Department to the municipality of Sirsi – my nearby town. The document was obtained through a Right to Information (RTI) application.

And here's the background: Some trees were marked to be cut down on a street in Sirsi. A few of us started asking questions to the municipality and the forest department. We were passed from one to the other until we were told that the forest department knew nothing about the decision to cut these trees down. As the trees were on municipal property, it was the municipality’s decision to do so.

A friend filed the RTI application and received this document. As it shows, the forest department knew very well about the proposed tree cutting. It has even made arrangements for the timber to be carried to its depot.

While the double-speak is one part of the issue, what caught my eye, or shall I say, jammed my eye, is this gargantuan sentence-paragraph made up of 60 words! Why write like this? Isn't it tiring to write, let alone read?

Perhaps the simplest and the most necessary first step in plain language translation is to break down monster paragraphs like these into human sentences.

The more I think about why we write like this, it seems to me there's an implied understanding that it's not really written to be understood. It's not written to express meaning. It is simply carried out as a chore. The human need to communicate has long gone missing. This is mostly always true of government communication, aka bureaucratese, but we see such examples all around us, all too often.

Have you come across bureaucratese or officialese recently? I can't say I'll be happy to know, but feel free to vent.

Plain language in India – An update

I wrote about the status of plain language in India some time ago. This is an update to that post.

>> In March this year, the then Chief Justice of India D Y Chandrachud asked judges to write judgments “in a language comprehensible to the common people”. I wish I had a link available to the full text of his speech, but I don’t. This is perhaps the most important call for plain language till date in India. 

>> Vidhi updated its manual for legal drafting and renamed it SARAL. “The SARAL Manual builds on the work of the 2017 manual and intends to compile learnings from the past five years to develop a more comprehensive, holistic approach toward legal drafting,” it says. SARAL is open to public feedback. I have given them mine. You can give yours too. 

>> Earlier this year, the Securities and Exchange Board of India (SEBI) issued guidelines for the draft offer document to be in clear language. The draft offer document is submitted by a company to SEBI before an initial public offering (IPO). 

If the guidelines are not followed, SEBI says, it may return the document to the company.

>> In "Gauging Linguistic Complexity of Regulatory Communication: A Case Study for India" published in its April bulletin, the Reserve Bank of India (RBI) used readability indicators to look at the language of banking regulations. It concluded that "most circulars require at least graduate level education, which is generally the education level of commercial bank employees." 

While this step from the RBI is welcome, the case study stops at assessing internal banking content. The next move has to be to look at the complexity of the language of the forms, contracts, agreements and other documents that banks present to their customers.  

>> We now have a LinkedIn group for plain language in India, blessed by PLAIN. 

Louder and clearer, please?

There has been a flurry of articles on plain language, mostly focused on its use in law. I came upon appeals for a plain language act by law students here and here. The term plain language is now heard more often in India than ever before. Jobs too are opening up in plain language, though mostly for plain-language summary writers. 

While these are good developments in themselves, we now have to step it up and make sure that it is not mere noise. We need to take substantial steps towards actually adopting plain language. 

I say this because some of the appeals, articles, or guidelines for plain language that I have mentioned here are themselves not plain. So it leaves me in doubt if the authors understand what it is to speak clearly. However, I will park these misgivings of mine for now and hope that we can keep working towards more clarity. 

Plain language and design rethink: UIDAI

This post is about how the UIDAI website can be more human-centric using plain language (PL) and design principles. This is not a comprehensive critique. I have picked eight examples to show how these principles can make life easier for the site’s users.

I am happy to be publishing this post just a couple of days before International Plain Language Day. I hope we can pick up the momentum here in India on writing more clearly and humanly.

The Universal Identification Authority of India is a government agency responsible for issuing citizens the Aadhaar card / number. This number is unique to each individual and is key in accessing governmental services. It is also a highly preferred document to open your bank account, rent a house, get a gas connection – in short, to live your life in India.

#1 Avoid wordiness.

Aadhaar Mitra, the bot, that pops up on the home page says:

“Welcome to Aadhaar!

Hi, I am your Aadhaar Mitra.

How May I Help you!!

Ask me anything about Aadhaar!”


It could have simply said, “Hi, I am your Aadhaar Mitra. How may I help you?”

Using fewer words saves everyone’s time. A chat bot’s messages have no business being wordy, as it must cater to immediate requests from users.

#2 Use lists when talking about a number of things.

Identity and address proof documents mentioned on this page can be better presented with a list and sub-heads:


What to submit?

For proof of identity and address:

• Ration card

• Voter identity card

• Government-issued identity card/certificate having address

• Indian Passport

For proof of identity:

• PAN card

• Driving license

• Secondary or Senior School mark sheet/ School leaving certificate having photograph

• Government-issued identity card/ certificate

For proof of address:

• Electricity/water/gas bill (last 3 months)

• Bank / Post Office passbook

• Rent/ lease/ leave & license agreement

#3. Use “you” and other pronouns. Speak directly.

And

#4: Cut the bloat.

Below is the introductory paragraph on the grievance and feedback page and a possible rewrite. The original paragraph prefaces and rambles. I have implemented two important PL principles in this example: use pronouns like you would in a conversation with human beings and eliminate unnecessary words.

Strangely, it seems like as if this page is only for grievances related to the update process.

Original
Aadhaar, as the most commonly used digital identity, is used to avail of numerous subsidies, benefits and services. In view of the same, for maintaining the accuracy of the Aadhaar database, UIDAI had initiated an exercise for update of documents and Aadhaar information. In the course of activities undertaken to keep the Aadhaar database updated, intimations are issued from time to time to Aadhaar number holders. In this connection, it is clarified that no Aadhaar number has been cancelled. In case any Aadhaar number holder has any grievance in this regard, they may submit their feedback here. Any such grievance will be duly addressed.

Rewritten in plain language
To maintain the accuracy of your Aadhaar information, we ask you to update your documents from time to time. We wish to clarify that we have not cancelled any Aadhaar number in the updating process.

If you have a complaint about your Aadhaar update, please fill in the form here.

In the rewrite, I have:

• Used pronouns such as “you” and “we”. This speaks directly to the user and makes it an interaction between human beings. It invokes trust, is shorter, and easier to understand than the distant-sounding passive phrases which eliminate the need to use a pronoun.

• Deleted prefacing sentences, such as the first one in the original paragraph.

• Deleted phrases like “In view of the same”, “in this connection”, and “in this regard” which merely add flab and have no real purpose.

• Deleted repetitive information couched in different words. The phrase “In the course of activities undertaken to keep the Aadhaar database updated” refers to what has already been stated in the previous sentence.

• Tightened up the copy: Use “if” instead of “in case”.

• Got rid of officialese such as “duly addressed”. Scratch that. I got rid of all of the last sentence. If I fill in a grievance form, I obviously expect it to be addressed.

#5. Use common and accurate words.

“Demographics” is a word that comes up often on the site. Demographic refers to anything related to population or the different groups in it. When the UIDAI site says “Update demographics data”, it simply means “Update your data”.

While “demographics” is not a common word that most people visiting the UIDAI site can easily understand, it is not even the correct word in this context. Using inaccurate words has a further repercussion when you bring in machine translation (MT). In the machine-translated Kannada version of the website, demographics becomes ಜನಸಂಖ್ಯಾ ಮಾಹಿತಿ, which is the literal translation of the word. It means population information. Not helpful.

Same goes for the word “grievance”. “Complaint” is a more commonplace word.

#6. Create a glossary.

Following from the last point, a glossary or a terminology database is necessary for terms used on the website. The glossary must state the meaning of the term in the context of the website. This can be used to train MT engines and can serve as a reference for professional translators as well.

A glossary can help avoid the many mistakes that can crop up with translation down the line and the ensuing need for corrections. While this is not a strictly plain language recommendation, it is conducive to it.

And while we are on the subject of MT, the disclaimer about MT accuracy needs to be visible when someone opens the translated versions of the website. It’s currently at the very bottom of the main site.

#7. Keep accessibility in mind.

The UIDAI site uses a carousel to highlight new features. It moves pretty fast from slide to slide. I usually find it hard to read from carousels and am constantly trying to keep up. It isn’t just me though.

The W3C (Web Accessibility Initiative) has this to say about carousels:

“Carousels are disputed from a usability perspective because their content can be hard to discover.”

And

“For any moving, blinking or scrolling information that (1) starts automatically, (2) lasts more than five seconds, and (3) is presented in parallel with other content, there is [must be] a mechanism for the user to pause, stop, or hide it...”

(Text in square brackets is mine.)

Carousels make it distracting for people with difficulties reading or focusing. They also don’t seem to take into account the fact that people read at different speeds. We have data to show that carousels are ignored by most users: only 1% interact with a carousel at all, and 89% of them only with the first slide.

When they must be used, carousels must have a pause button. The carousel on the UIDAI site does have a pause button, but is hard to find as it’s right in the middle of the slide and I missed it on my initial visits. It didn't seem to work either when I clicked it and the carousel kept playing.

Carousels do help in packing a lot of information in a smaller space. But a government website is better off helping citizens accomplish their objective, rather than confuse or distract them in an effort to save space.

The good news, however, is that carousels are missing from the subdomains of the site.

The UIDAI website carries a certification stamp from the Guidelines for Indian Government Websites and Apps (GIGW). These guidelines quote from the very same W3C guideline on carousels in Section 5.2.25. Yet, the message seems to be lost.

#8. Clear the clutter.

The whole set of links under the About Aadhaar button can be moved off the main navigation. Same goes for the Ecosystem links. These are obviously not for the lay user, but for the people or agencies who work for UIDAI or for media personnel who seek additional information.



As I said before, this is not a comprehensive clarity audit. What did you notice that can be improved? Share in the comments.